So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the liver wants what the liver wants
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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