yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
