Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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