I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
