apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
