Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
