im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
