Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
