Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
