I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
