it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
