So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
