i don't like sucking hair
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
