So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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