Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They have beer where we have blood.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
