i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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