Well apparently he's into motor boating.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
