3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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