he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
