That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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