I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
