I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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