i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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