I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
