His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
