hotel room ftw
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
