Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
