i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
