I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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