Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Congratulations! We have a period
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