is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
