yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
