i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
