Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you inspire me to be a worse person
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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