Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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