I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
