Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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