Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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