Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
