Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
