i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
