when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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