this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
