He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
