Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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