Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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