Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
