When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
