So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
