does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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