We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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