ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
