Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
