She said her name was "party"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
